Sleep-deprived thought(s)

Don't you hate when you feel like your 2nd in someone's life when they're 1st in your's? Gah, that's the worst feeling.

Not that I'm really 2nd to video games in Aaron's life, but...sometimes I feel like he just wants me to go away and leave him alone with his games...and these moments are always when I just want some love and attention. I love him more than anything (I know its soooo cheesey, but it's the truth), and I know he loves me that much, too. But I just can't help feeling this way, sometimes. Especially when I'm sleep-deprived and completely irrational.

As I was laying here drifting in and out of "sleep," my mind kept conjuring up beautiful and deep poetic phrases (usually my poems aren't too deep...). But as soon as I'd stir and begin to awake again, they'd rush off back to the deepest reaches of my mind. Without giving me a chance to write them down. They were so lovely.

Well, this (blogging) is quite literally becoming an obsession. I hope it doesn't get too out of hand. Or maybe I do want it to get out of hand. I enjoy ranting and rambling to myself (and maybe someday, others!)

More sleepy smiles from a girl observing her world,

Alexandria :)

Human Nature

I realize I just posted something...But these thoughts keep churning in my mind, and I feel the need to share.

People always have someone or something to blame so as not to be viewed as inadequate or inferior. We are always coming up with excuses and reasons (outside ourselves) as to why we performed poorly. Example: My boyfriend Aaron. Obsessed with video games. Whenever he dies: "Goddamn campers," "This lag is ridiculous!," "He's using a modded controller," "Fuckin' n00b tubers!," among many, many others. I can't only site him as an example though. I'm guilty of it as well. Using work as an excuse for poor schoolwork, using my "busy" schedule as an excuse for painful test scores, using school and work as excuses for neglecting friendships. We all do it. We, as a species, have a natural tendency to not own up to our short-comings. What if we all took full responsibility for our actions (or lack there-of)? What if we turned our "Goddamn campers" into "Darn it, I wish I had checked in that corner! I'll be more cautious next time!"?

I'm going to attempt this. I urge you, if anyone is reading this, to do the same. Has anyone else noticed this problem? Do you feel its important to address?

Its becoming such a sleepy smile...:)

Alexandria

Hello All :)

(Yes, I realize I'm probably still just talking to myself, but maybe someday my blog will be read!)

I should be working on my Visual Basic homework about rabbit populations and such. But...I have coffee! And I've been much too distracted with a few blogs to focus on homework right now!

I started out reading Grace's (Smile Couture). I love her blog! Her posts are fun and fashion-ful! (Although she has a much different style than I do, I greatly enjoy her posts!)

From Grace, I stumbled upon Kay (Cerulean Skies). Who is honestly probably my favorite blogger. I love her honesty and writing style.

And then from Kay, I discovered Alex (--no previous experience--). I love how vulnerable she lets herself become through her writing.

I also enjoy Macky's (The Cloud-Wanderer) posts. :)

I know I haven't met any of them (you), but after this handful of lost, confused days reading their (your) random posts, I feel as though I've met them (you) all. Wow, I sound so cheesey and desperate for friends...haha.

Update from my last post:

I have officially changed my major from Chemical Engineering to Math :D I'm so excited and optimistic about the change, though I wish I believed in my writing abilities enough to pursue a degree in such a field.

My boyfriend goes to basic training on February 1st...4 days before my birthday :( He's currently living with me, so being without him will be a major change and will probably be really tough for me.

I have always sporadically written "poetry" (or what I consider a distant cousin of poetry). But recently, within the past few days, I've written several poems. I blame my recent reconsiderations of the direction of my life and other such musings.

Random things currently on my mind:

1. Rekindling my love for Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

2. I love the color of coffee with just the right amount of milk in it. Its so welcoming :)

3. My boyfriend (Aaron, I'll refer to him by name from now on. Its shorter, haha.) gets so worked up and angry over video games. I don't understand. But at the same time, if such emotion can be evoked by something that matters so little, I can only imagine the positive emotions I (hopefully) fill him with. :)

4. Its a little immature, but I take very obviously not literal things literally. A couple examples: Third party: "That scared the shit out of me!" Me: "Ew!" oooor Third party: "Goodness, that's a big-ass (insert any noun, really)." Me: "A big ass-(noun)?! Hahaha." I know, I'm just brimming with maturity.

5. Rabbit populations. Damn this VBA project.

6. Must. Save. Money. Most of my paychecks go to food and gas. I'm currently feeding myself (as healthfully as I can) and Aaron, and we tend to go on a lot of road trips (usually to my home or his, in opposite directions from where I'm currently stationed, of course). And I need to save money so I can start buying wonderful Christmas presents!

I think this is quite long enough. If anyone actually reads this, I'll be amazed. And thank you so much :) Although I'd love to have people read and enjoy my blog, I'd also be pretty content if I were the only person to lay eyes on it. Its rather therapeutic getting all of this off my mind and stored away somewhere.

Keep smiling, you know I will,

Alexandria :)

Quarter Life Crisis!

People have these, right? I'm almost 20, and I'm freaking out. I don't know what I'm going to do with my life, and I'm about to change my major, which is really stressful for me. I don't like it when plans change. *humph* So, to help me (and you?) figure out what I should do with my life, I'll make a list of things I enjoy doing/studying! 1. The French Language 2. Religions and philosophies (mostly Eastern) 3. READING 4. Writing poetry 5. Math of any kind There...a brief list of my interests. I really don't know how to narrow this down to a specific major or career. Help? Haha. My boyfriend and I went to Muskogee this evening so he could visit the Air Force recruiter there. And *drum roll* he has a job in the USAF now! Next he waits to go off to basic training and then job training then he will serve for 4 to 6 years. Its very exciting and kind of scary/sad because I will have to be without him for long periods of time. But I'll make it :) I still haven't decided what kind of blog this will be, so I'm also going to tell you my outfit for the day. Haha. I wore my light wash skinny jeans with a blue leopard print tank and a navy and white striped cardigan. I like to mix crazy patterns (blue leopard) with classic ones (nautical stripes), I feel like it makes an outfit more fun and multidimensional! I also found some cute peep-toe bootie-like heels for $15 at the mall there :D (pics later perhaps?) Well, as always I'll keep learning and laughing, and I hope you all do too. Toodles, Alexandria